1. Spend 2-3 years knitting a giant blanket.
2. Feverously finish the last 50+ rows and bind off in a month.
3. Decide you need blocking wires to stretch the blanket to its max.
4. Research rigid and flexible blocking wires. Order the flexible ones in hopes of making all future blocking easier.
5. Impatiently wait 3 weeks for blocking wires to arrive in the mail.
6. On the day you're going to block, remember that you still need to weave in ends.
7. Weave in ends.
8. Decide that filling up the tub would probably be overkill to soak the blanket. Plus, you really don't want to scrub the tub.
9. Figure out that the kitchen sink is probably big enough.
10. Do the dishes so you can scrub the sink.
11. Scrub the sink.
12. Get wrapped up in a bunch of other tasks. Decide the sink is clean enough so you don't have to scrub it again.
13. Fill the sink almost to the brim with cool water and a few capfuls of Soak.
14. Squish the blanket under the water.
15. Let it soak for 30 minutes. Try to figure out how to squeeze all the water out of it so you can haul it to the bedroom floor to pin it out with dripping a river behind you.
16. Watch a few last minute videos about using blocking wires.
17. After the timer rings, go pull the stopper out of the bottom of the sink. Squish as much water out of the blanket as possible.
18. Take the blanket out of the sink and plop it down in the middle of a much smaller towel.
19. Haul the blanket burrito to the bathroom and drop it on the bath matt.
20. Make lunch.
21. Spread out a sheet to keep any bleeding dye and loose fiber out of the carpet.
22. Go back to the bathroom and step on a soggy matt to pick up the blanket.
23. Gently spread out the blanket on the floor.
24. Carefully uncoil the blocking wires so you don't wing yourself in the face with the tips.
25. Pick a corner and gingerly thread the wire through one edge while hunched over the floor.
26. Screw that. Sit on the floor and drag the blanket into your lap to thread the wire.
27. Halfway through the first edge, realize you should have started a podcast or music or something to keep you company.
28. Finish wiring the first side, get up, grab your phone, come back, start a podcast. Not a podcast about knitting though because that's what got you into this mess.
29. Uncoil another wire and start the second edge. Repeat for the third and fourth sides which only take 15 minutes each instead of 20.
30. Get out from underneath the giant blanket to start spreading it out.
31. Prick your fingers taking t-pins out of the bag.
32. Stick one pin in a corner and begin smoothing things out.
33. Start stretching and pinning with what might be described as reckless abandon.
34. Stand up and check out your handiwork. Notice the blanket looks lopsided.
36. Go track down a tape measure - but not the the puny one that you keep in your notions bag - the big metal one.
37. Stick a pin the blanket's cast on (in the center of course). Measure until you find the longest distance from pin to side.
38. Take out pins and readjust, readjust, readjust all they all have the same measurement. Also, make sure the corners are about 90 degrees. Smooth, pull, and sweet talk the knitting as necessary.
39. Somewhere in the middle of this, run out of pins. Get up to look for more and find absolutely zero. Bah.
40. Move pins around until all the edges are straight-ish.
41. Measure one more time just to be sure.
42. Stand up and survey your 2 hours of work. Yay! It's not lopsided anymore.
43. Go do anything else while the blanket air dries with the help of several fans pointed directly at it.
44. Keep waiting. All night and the next day if you have too.
45. After poking at it a million times, find out that it’s finally dry! Time to celebrate by pulling out all the t-pins without poking yourself and pulling the wires out of the edges.
46. Stand up and swing the blanket around your shoulders like a cape. So warm and comfy!
47. After doing a happy dance with your blanket/cape, go find someone to cuddle with underneath it. Done!
Feel free to skip a few steps. I personally recommended not stabbing your fingers with t-pins, pinning the blanket lopsided, or running out of pins.
Joking aside, I’m so glad this blanket is finally done. It was one of the few things I hauled cross country in the trunk to Los Angeles. Didn’t work on it much more before I moved to San Francisco, but Ididn’t want to move again with it still on the needles. Part of the reason Norma took so long was because I wanted to use up 4 skeins of Lion Brand Nature’s Brown Fisherman’s Wool. Knitting all 1860 yards meant I worked the expanded chart available on Ravelry before charting out an additional 24 rows and then working the edging. Having to bind off 820 stitches was definitely worth it.
An overwhelming urge to finish all the things helped push progress along too. I knit 2 rows or more a day for weeks until it was finally done. It became one of my daily rituals and I almost miss working on it. Almost. I’m much happier that it’s done and looking forward to snuggling up underneath it for years to come.